A Humble Introduction

Silence. 

I have spent most of the past few years in complete silence. 

Not the silence that probably came to your mind as you first read that word. 

I like noise as much as the next guy. 

I love music, I love talking to friends. 

Yet I live in silence. 

Not acoustic silence. 

Emotional silence.

What exactly do I mean by "emotional silence"? I'm referring to a deep sort of emptiness that only the depressed can truly empathize with. Depression stole the music from my life. Emotionally healthy people live to a sort of emotional "music." The tempo frequently changes, the intervals are sometimes harmonious, sometimes they are dissonant, but there is always a song playing. Depression took that song from me, just as it steals it from millions of other people every year. 

I've lived in this emotional silence for years, and I think it is finally time to break that silence by writing about the emotional turmoil of the past few years. My emotions enslaved me, they controlled every aspect of my life, all the way down to my thoughts. I have often thought the battle has already been lost for me, but that if I share my experiences maybe I can potentially give another individual the strength and knowledge required to win their battle.

Ultimately, this blog is a place for me to express the complex, oftentimes paradoxical, emotions and thoughts that have accompanied my depression. It's a journal of my life from an abstract, emotional perspective rather than a concrete one. I believe the abstract and emotional are far more important to an individual's humanity than the absolute occurrences of their daily lives anyway. The "why?" of human behavior is so much more intriguing than the "what?". And so, this blog will be an attempt to answer the "why?" of my life: of my emotions, my thoughts, and ultimately my actions. The journey will be introspective for me, but hopefully it will inspire introspection for others as well. How can we begin to understand and comprehend the world around us if we haven't fully grasped the world inside of our own minds?